Hannah cried out to God. Her barrenness was her suffering.  Provoked to despair, her tears fell at her husbands feet. Her cross to bear was her closed womb. Bitterly weeping, she comes to the temple of the Lord. Spirit troubled, she pours out her soul before the Lord. Trusting in Him at all times, God is her refuge.
God remembered her. The tears,  sadness, vexation and despair led her into the safe arms of her Lord. He was faithful and heard her because she trusted in Him.
He is still faithful to those who trust in Him. Today’s Hannah waits for the Lord, but cries out to Him to bless her womb.
The line is clearly visible. Joy and ecstasy replace tears, sadness, and anxiety.  Thoughts flood the mind.
Then, pink. Pain. Red. Tears.  Confusion. Hope. Sadness. Death. Pills. Numb the pain. Moans. Sighs. Steam shower. Curled up in a ball. All the hopes, the joy, the thoughts of the future flee.
Hold me. Keep me tight. Never let go.
One year. Nutrition change. Fat. Butter. Raw food.
Tender breasts. Blue line. Joy. Excitement. Planning. Midwife. Portland. Idaho. Nausea. Dry heaving.  Farm life.  8 weeks. Cashew butter. Spearmint oil. Grammy mug.
Spots. Bed. Frankenstein. Smells. Red. Rest. Cramps. Call midwife. 10.5 weeks. November 19. Heavy flow. Tears.  Disbelief. Shock. Anger. Frustration.  Sadness. Clumps.  Toilet. Call Grant. Fear. Anxiety. Joy crumbling. Clouds rolling.  Insecure.
Bathtub.  Toilet. Bathtub. Bed. Numb. Toilet. Head on Grants knee. Moan. Remember Christ’s suffering. Pain. Relax. Surrender to God. Count it all joy. Fill up what is lacking in Christ’s pain and suffering. Why me. Bed. Sleep. Cramps.
Pink. Car ride. Sunshine. Fresh air. Countryside.
Cramps. Toilet. Placenta. Blighted ovum. Despair. Sadness. Thankful. Home. Bed. Faith.
Faith. Christ. Tell parents. Sympathy.  Stay strong. Despair. Fear. Anxiety.  No future. Two losses. Why. Examine hearts.  Search for sin. Repent. More like our Lord. Healing.
Block out emotions.  Trust God. Heal body. Ask Him to heal. Ovulate. Temp.  Chart.
Faith. Trust Christ. Obey.
May my faith make me well. Trust in Him at all times. May my tears be made joyful and my womb be opened because He is my refuge.

– Tory Keeter

Originally posted here: https://ranchepcg4him.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/wilderness/


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